Why Admitting You Don’t Know Is A Super-Power

There is a serious problem that sometimes inflicts new leaders.

If allowed to remain untreated, it can poison your chances of becoming the kind of leader your organisation needs right now.

What is this problem you’re asking?

I saw how pride or an unwillingness to show vulnerability can be a problem first hand many time over the course of my career.

As you can see from my profile, I have extensive experience in the C-Suite, including twenty years as a CEO of large organisations. One of the most rewarding parts of holding such a privileged position was the opportunity to identify and support talented individuals. It was always a joy to witness their achievements. However, there were occasional bumps in the road. In my field, many of our new leaders came from technical or professional backgrounds. In these domains, what mattered most was an individual's professional or technical expertise. To rise to the top, individuals had to demonstrate that they were more knowledgeable, skilled, or had published more than their peers.

When I invited Jo to step into a leadership role for the first time, I had high hopes. Everyone in the team thought Jo was great, a real pro who excelled at what they did. I was confident Jo would soon be tearing up trees in the new job.

After a few months I started to hear whispers that all was not well. Some of the team Jo was leading were concerned. When I invited Jo in for a catch up we talked about how things were going and I began to get a sense of where things were starting to go wrong.

To begin with, Jo looked stressed, even a little bit down. I gently probed and it soon became clear Jo was struggling with a few things. First there was ambiguity. In Jo’s previous technical role, the name of the game was to stick the tail on the donkey. Diagnose and fix: for every problem always a finite solution. It was a constant source of bewilderment to Jo that in his new job there were so many uncertainties. Optimal and sub-optimal choices. Quick and slow fixes which might head in different directions.

Learning to manage ambiguity comes with experience. I was able to reassure Jo that this was perfectly normal and we talked through some strategies that might help.

The other issue was more problematic though. Jo had oversight of multiple teams from many disciplines. The trouble was Jo told me, ‘I don’t know what the heck they actually do. I mean, in the details and it makes me feel stupid. Aren’t I supposed to be the leader, the person who sets the direction?’

Now we had found the heart of the problem. The moment when you are forced to confront the fact that you, the leader, don’t know everything about what the people who work for you actually do. Or how they do it, even less whether there might be a better, more effective way.

It took some time, but over the next few weeks with a little coaching, Jo began to get the hang of what Edgar Schein calls ‘Humble Inquiry: the gentle art of asking instead of telling’.

Humble inquiry is different from traditional forms of questioning, which often come from a place of authority or superiority. Instead, it is characterised by a sense of humility and a willingness to learn from others. It requires active listening and a genuine desire to understand the other person's perspective.

This technique can be used in various settings, such as personal relationships, professional environments, and even in conflicts or difficult conversations. By using humble inquiry, individuals can foster trust, build stronger connections, and create a more collaborative and respectful environment.

In essence, the gentle art of humble inquiry is about approaching communication with an open mind and a humble heart. It is a powerful tool for building meaningful connections and promoting understanding and empathy.

Summary of Humble Inquiry

A year later and all the whispering had stopped. In fact when I walked the floor all I heard was how great Jo was. People went out of their way to tell me how much they appreciated that Jo was spending time finding out what they did. They told me these conversations had revealed a range of problems Jo had been able to help them fix.

In summary, the art of humble inquiry entails:

- Asking open-ended questions

- Showing genuine curiosity and interest

- Listening actively and attentively

- Avoiding assumptions and judgments

- Being willing to learn and admit ignorance

- Being respectful and non-threatening

- Building trust and rapport

- Encouraging and valuing different perspectives

- Being humble and vulnerable

- Focusing on the other person and their experiences

- Being patient and non-rushed

- Being open to feedback and criticism.

If you know someone who is struggling to make the transition to leadership, it might be worth exploring how humble inquiry could help. It certainly take the pressure off when you realise you’re not supposed to know everything.

I thoroughly recommend getting hold of Edgar H. Schien’s book Humble Inquiry.

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About the author:

Adam Cairns runs Poetry Works, a new kind of service bringing the tools and techniques of poetry (concision, imagery, evoking emotion, memorability and more) to organisations. With four decades of corporate experience Adam heads up a team of published poets all qualified to Masters level in poetry who combine their passion for poetry with their own direct experience of working at C-Suite level.

Organisations what a language their target audiences Notice, Use, Enjoy and Remember. At Poetry Works we help turn what you already know into language that cuts through, that is memorable, emotive, playful and distinctive.

To inquire about Poetry Works for keynoting or working with your organisation, or event, or to find out more about what Poetry Works can do, please email adam@poetryworks.co.uk or visit poetryworks.co.uk.